pms

the feeling of being vulnerable does not feel good at all. i hate the way that i am feeling now. the notion whereby i will melt under the heavy drops of rain anytime, drain away with the strong rays of the sun, get crush by the silence of the night and just slowly dissipate into the air... if that was to really happen, how wonderful it will be. i have just been granted the route to escape from so many things in life.

i am fortunate, in fact very lucky. i'm not complaining about it. but it's just that i feel that there's so many things that i need to ponder about... my upcoming french EXAM, my next sem timetable, oh well yes all the academic stuff as usual that is giving me this headache grrr! i'm uncertain of what the future may bring yet i'm hesitant to work hard. i ought to be banish into living hell and wake up my idea *bish*

at times like these... i guess it is when you really wish you have a pillar to lean on... a source whereby you can find strength from... a mentor who can give you advices and encourage you by... a lover to give you a big hug and assure you that everything is just gonna be all right... a pat on the shoulder to tell you you can pull through it all... a call from a friend to find out how is everything going on...

i am missing so many people so badly now... till the extent that my tears are at the verge of falling lol! i will be fine though no worries... just feeling pms-y~ things always turn out right eventually... coz everything will be wonderful some day...

as people always say and as i always tell others... DREAMS ARE FREE

now i'm gonna dream... you are welcome to leave or stay and dream along with me =) i'll definitely be glad to have you by my side!
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remember back in secondary school... there was this composition that we need to write entitle "My Ambition In Life" here's exactly what i wrote : -

my ambition in life... frankly speaking, i have not a little bit of any idea what i want to be. i've tried imaging myself being a lawyer, doctor, teacher, careerwoman etc etc. but till now, i still dunno what's the goal for my life.

i guess after my studies, the tendency of finding myself in an office from 9am - 5pm will be very high. with my hair all standing on my ends, looking real shagged! but that's not what i want. i believe that's the last thing a person will ever want to do.

actually, i think that it'll be real nice to own a shop of my own selling candies and stuff. after earning some money, i will settle down. eventually, become a mother of two or three, spend most of my time educating them or playing with them or caring for them. then wait for my husband's return and share his joy or weal at work.

probably you may think that it's rather... ambitiousless or naive of me to think this way. but that what i want to be... i guess!
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that was what i wrote when i was 16... right now, four years more into my life, i can say that it is still more or less what i want. but perhaps i wanna change it from a candy shop to a cafe. in a way, i'm envy the owners of grapevine. the couple has been working hand in hand and manage to keep the business going on for quite sometime now. the fact that they took over the adjacent shop and expand their business proves it all. however they are really deprived of time for their own and especially their 2 daugthers... but one thing that i really like is, you not only earn a living by doing things that you like, you can also meet lotsa of people from different walks of life and that is one thing i really love about it all.

you gain exposure to more things in life and learn to cherish things in life. life will be like a book and everyday a new page will be filled with lotsa details that you can never imagine. i want that kinda life too and that is why i am pretty sure i will go into the service industry. dun ask me why i'm in engineering. seriously it is a mystery i have yet to solve too boo!

whatever it is... my juice for writing are all gone... it has been replaced by sleeping worms... nites all