hello everyone! sorry haven't been blogging for so long. grrr hate my blog so plain and the bandwidth exceeds and all. i'm running away from it so i dun have to face it tt explains why i dun blog so much hee! *excuses* okie i'm just plain lazy bleahh...

anyway a new year is coming in a few days' time... this year there isn't much anticipation to xmas, new year whatsoever. somehow one just get immune to it i think as time pass. but this is one year which i receive pretty many xmas presents from u-know-who-u-are's. never really expected it and am really glad to get em hee!thanks to you! sorry for the delay in reciprocating your kindness! will try to get down to it soon gee!

oh, have i mention that now my bio clock is retarding too... most of the time by 2am i'm completely knocked out. or a late night sleep technically means fatigue the entire following day. signs of ageing? eeks!

now i finally know and understand how to measure genuineness. seen it, heard it and personally experienced it. there's so much more to it than just words which are all you get from some people out there. u slowly realised that they never do mean anything they said and is always entertaining you. they only come to you when they need you to be there for em. sick of it really...grrr!

forget it. i have more things to worry about. these are the creeps of the society booo!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you guys! *muacks*

christmas is near
the feeling so real
longing to be held
right now, right here
want so much to see and feel
but yet so afraid of the time to part
tomorrow's so vague
who's to know
when that will be
till i get over you

can't decide

lately been busy working. attended the NRC chalet on tues & thurs. great opportunity to meet/catch up with friends. however hols are ending in a mere 2 weeks' time. it's so short & definitely insufficient lol. but o well when was it enough.

festive season round the corner. it's everywhere in sight when you walk down town. this year i must say they have rather interesting gimmicks to capture the attention of the passers-by eg. ngee ann city have this singing xmas tree made up of real ppl carolling at the bottom. so pretty and nice. think they had some skits or smth coz they were ppl dressed in costumes of shepherds, women, children and greek/rome soldiers (those with the flurry things on the top of their metal helmets) so unique! plus there were little tents consisting of ppl from different tribes like miao from china, the aborginals from australia who put up some tribal dance or smth mimicking kangaroos and ostriches maybe and how they hunt down animals etc. the cute part was there were 2 versions...one, the adults and the other presented by the children...so adorable the lil kids lol. dancing to the beat of the wooden stick and trying hard to follow the rhythm at the same time balancing on one foot haha!

seriously take some time and walk down orchard road, say tomorrow? lotsa interesting sights and performances. embrace the joy of giving and sharing and spending time with your loved ones. it's a time to slow down ur pace and enjoy all that is around you.

each time i have so much to say but when it comes to actual thing. somehow there's this mental blockage. can't really link my pts up so might as well forgo them. o well when i remember next time i will blog it down for my own reference lol.

anyway now what's on my mind is...how do you know whether you're missing a person or the company of just having a person there for you...most of the time now, i can't figure out the simplest things. my brains failing me argh!or perhaps it's always better to be ignorant for tt's when things doesn't affect you...

FUGLY

damn damn damn...bit my lips earlier on~didn't expect to be so serious but soon the taste of blood filled my mouth... sucks!!! now there's this big swell on my lips and it hurts ...grrr!!!so freaking ugly...i need many fairies tonight to help me mend it back...make it nice or anything i won't mind...just take the swell away...booo!!!

being twenty something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you don't recognise is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realise that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topic because you cannot seems to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can figure this whole thing out.

this is everything that is going through my mind now...wth the world became or is it just part of growing old?!

my friend's piece of crap when he was high...

The ground lay desolated. The bed lay cold. The sofa lay untouched, and the old ones stay old. Such a touch of emptiness, can be felt world wide. It is due to human nature, human pride. They can't apologise, nor admit an error. Even though this will free him, and feel free from the terror, Of going home everyday to see himself all alone, in front of the mirror.

depressing tree

was at mt elizabeth earlier on, visiting my mum coz she had this minor operation. while the nurse was doing her rounds, i was asked to leave the room.

as i stood outside waiting for her to be done, i noticed this chirstmas tree right at the end of the corridor...

at first i thought it was rather pretty... it's similar to those u see in the english movies, a xmas tree by the fireplace decorated beautifully...then the lights blinking away, not too big just a rather small one...after a few mins, somehow i found it rather sad...in a hospital, where it was rather grieved plus the soft xmas music playing in the background...it just makes everything so gray...

then one nurse walked out of some other wards with a tired look... and i can't help thinking, it's so sad if they will to perform their duties on xmas eve or the festive season itself...and how about those admitted on the day itself... so sad rite? spending xmas in the cold, quiet, demoralizing place...yikes, it must be really bad... *shudders*

all right enough of all the distressing stuff...i shall go sleep~ yawns!!!

i'm like a manual worker in the day...boxes, tapes, penknife & markers are my best friend~ oh of course not forgetting the mountains of files, documents, papers... i'm so working like a cow!!! *moo* if i were to be as hardworking as i was working as studying, i think i will appear right on top of the dean list...bleahh!!! i'm nuts!